There is a book called Thief of Time by a man named Terry Pratchett, which — unrelated to this topic — I think everyone should read. And in this book, there is the following passage: “Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry.”
This is how I feel about this season of True Blood.
Every week, I say to myself, “This is the week, Kady! This is the week you let your fascination with this show go gently into that good night, because you know — you know in your SOUL — that what is about to happen on your screen is going to be mind-numbing, unutterably terrible garbage.” And every week, despite this, I sit transfixed and watch. I watch the zombie vampires! I watch the irrational townspeople! I watch Bill motherfucking Compton spout the same sorry shit to the same sorry music that’s been playing for seven sorry seasons! I watch Anna Paquin struggle desperately to emote around just, god, it’s so awful, everything’s so awful.
And yet — like the hand inching ever closer to the end of the world button — I watch.
Seven seasons of this. Seven. Seasons. Of this. When I began watching this show lo those many years ago I was a different woman, younger, more trusting, unaware that fate was leading me towards staring in semi-hysterical horror at a 55 minute train wreck every week for entire summers at a time. I didn’t know! How could I know! What signs there were passed easily over my head, distracted as I was by Alexander Skarsgard’s insidiously, improbably perfect physique, and now it is far too late. I am doomed to remain here, watching True Blood, until the series (mercifully) wraps at the end of this season.
So, to answer your question: yes, god help me, yes, I am watching True Blood. But friend, oh, friend, words cannot convey how much I wish I wasn’t.
About the only thing I took from this: isn’t “zombie vampires” redundant? Aren’t all vampires theoretically zombies? Y’know, being undead and all.