speaking of hearts, you’re breaking mine :(
UGH I’M SORRY I KNOW I’M BREAKING MINE TOO I JUST
god i really want derek to have someone who is not a romantic interest and not a teenager and not someone who knew his family (because WHILE I LOVE DEATON it’s gotta kill derek that deaton knew his mother, that deaton made a PROMISE to his mother, like can you imagine the train of thought for derek there, the combined irrational mess of “if you made my mother a promise to help us where were you when we needed you, when laura needed you/if you made my mother a promise to help us does that mean she knew we’d need help and why didn’t we know/if you made my mother a promise to help us then what else did you promise her/are you even telling me the truth/can i even be TRUSTED with the truth,” like, derek’s head is such a mess about all this shit)
but like, I JUST WANT DEREK TO HAVE A PERSON WHO HE CAN TALK TO WHO GETS WHAT IT IS TO HAVE YOUR LIFE PULLED OUT FROM UNDER YOU COMPLETELY, someone who’s lived it and survived it and IS IN A HEALTHY PLACE. like, i want derek to be able to see that even if he’s not ready to trust people, so the steve rogers crossover door is so appealing, because, yeah. steve woke up 70 years in the future and EVERYONE HE KNEW WAS DEAD, he knows what it is to love and lose, to try and fail, to think you had a whole future in front of you and have it vanish in the blink of an eye. and he knows about blame, too, because he’s never going to forget his hand stretching out for bucky’s and not getting there in time, and he’d look at derek and see the same kind of wreckage he saw in himself, back when he was riding the subway with his jaw clenched and beating the life out of punching bags. steve rogers would get derek hale, quietly and calmly and without pushing on it, and i think derek needs someone like steve to get him, needs someone like steve who doesn’t need or want or expect anything of him, who isn’t depending on him for anything, who isn’t counting on him to do anything or say anything or lead anyone.
basically i just want the two of them at steve’s favorite bar, with the vintage stained glass lamps and the bartender who knows when to shut up, knocking together the necks of beers that aren’t going to get them drunk and not talking. i want derek’s achingly tense posture to loosen after a few minutes, and i want a small smile to tug at the corner of steve’s mouth, and i want derek to look at him and think maybe i’ll be okay someday for the first time in as long as he can remember. i want steve to catch him looking, and not call him on it. i want them to wind up playing pool, sinking shot after shot and not-quite-trash-talking, until the bar closes and kicks them out.