like blood and barfights and her brother’s last goodbye:

gyzym: IN OTHER NEWS PEOPLE NEED TO STOP POSTING RULE63!DEREK STUFF BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT DEE/D/DEREKA HALE
nat: I CANNOT TAKE THE NAME DEREKA SERIOUSLY BUT DEE HALE
nat: GBFJDNKSLMA;
gyzym: WELL NEITHER CAN SHE; THAT’S THE PROBLEM
gyzym: HER PARENTS NAMED HER DEREKA AND SHE HAAAAATES IT
gyzym: SO FOR YEARS SHE’S BEEN GOING BY D
gyzym: LIKE EVEN BEFORE THE FIRE, SHE WENT BY D
gyzym: AND SHE THINKS OF IT AS JUST “D”
gyzym: THE LETTER
gyzym: BUT NO ONE ELSE WILL ACCEPT THAT AS HER NAME
gyzym: SO SHE’S STARTED ADDING THE “EE”
nat: I JUST ALWAYS THINK OF KEITHA FROM FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS
nat: IT’S KEITH BUT WITH AN A ON THE END
gyzym: no but like oh my god nat THINK ABOUT IT
nat: I can so, so see it
gyzym: like, derek’s whole vibe is fuck off, right?
gyzym: IMAGINE DEE HALE
gyzym: HER ENTIRE VIBE
gyzym: WOULD BE FUCK *YOU*
gyzym: because she’d be derek, fucked up and blaming herself
gyzym: never told anyone about kyle argent, still thinks she killed her family, still thinks she got her brother killed
gyzym: but instead of being repelled by her glare, people are drawn to it, because THAT’S HOW RAPE CULTURE AND UNWANTED MALE ATTENTION WORKS
nat: oh fuck all these feels
gyzym: think of how many times dee hale must have had to flash her fangs
nat: SO MANY FEELS
gyzym: must have had to press her claws into the back of some bastard’s neck
gyzym: must have had to RESIST doing that shit
gyzym: because someone was touching her and she knew that if she threw them across the room
gyzym: the way she could
gyzym: the way she wanted
gyzym: there’d be trouble
nat: must have always been told not to
nat: don’t show them what you are, is it worth giving up your nature to get them out of your face, they can’t hurt you dee
gyzym: yes yes yes yes yes
gyzym: and it was one thing, right
gyzym: before kyle, before the fire
gyzym: when she was 14 and 15 and looked 19 and 20, it was different
gyzym: because yeah, there were assholes sometimes
gyzym: brushing their hands against her or leaning out of cars shouting at her
gyzym: dumb lacrosse jocks trying to get with her like she was owed to them
gyzym: but back then, it was hilarious
gyzym: because back then dee knew she was invincible compared to these people
gyzym: back then dee knew that it didn’t matter, because if she wanted to she could put them through walls
gyzym: without breaking a sweat
nat: but physically invincible is only one kind of protection
gyzym: yeah, and she had no idea
gyzym: because of course she didn’t, because how could she
nat: it’s another thing to let your guard down, to let someone in who tears you apart from the inside
gyzym: well and that was the whole thing
gyzym: the great thing
gyzym: about kyle
gyzym: he was so much older, so much more mature
gyzym: and she thought—well, she thought that it must be the way it was supposed to go, for her
gyzym: being what she was, being as powerful as she was, of course she’d draw in an older guy, a guy none of her friends would dream of getting
gyzym: and then he turned out to be an argent
gyzym: and everything got…complicated
gyzym: in that way things do when it feels
gyzym: forbidden and star-crossed
gyzym: it went from this thing she just wanted for fun, to prove to herself that she could
nat: when it feels like it’s just the two of you against the world and you’re untouchable together
gyzym: yes yes yes yes
gyzym: and then one day she was sitting in school
gyzym: and she felt it even before her brother showed up in the window of her bio class
gyzym: his eyes already starting to flash, his face white as a sheet
gyzym: and she knew
gyzym: and in retrospect, she still doesn’t know how
gyzym: how she could have known IMMEDIATELY
gyzym: what had happened
gyzym: what kyle had done
gyzym: if she hadn’t known all along that he was going to
gyzym: it eats at her, that thought
nat: that maybe if she’d looked closer
nat: she’d have seen the signs
gyzym: yes yes yes yes
gyzym: that if only she’d been more careful, more guarded, more vigilant
gyzym: this wouldn’t have happened to her, to her family
nat: maybe if she hadn’t been so desperate to prove to herself that she could have this
gyzym: yes!
gyzym: and she never tells anyone so that thought just gets bigger and heavier and harder to handle
gyzym: and meanwhile she and her brother—god, what do i switch laura to, larry? laurent?
nat: lawrence
gyzym: lawrence, THANK YOU
gyzym: but meanwhile she and lawrence are on the run, right
gyzym: fully submersed in the human world, hiding from weres, hiding from hunters, hiding from everyone
gyzym: and the thing is that doesn’t make it better
gyzym: the thing is that makes it so much worse
gyzym: because derek, right, derek went out into the world after the fire doing god knows what
gyzym: blaming himself for what happened and aching with it and hiding it, and no question it wrecked him
gyzym: but DEE
gyzym: dee goes out into the world blaming herself for what happened and aching with it and hiding it and comes face to face with the hard truth that
gyzym: if she did tell someone
gyzym: forget lawrence, forget her family, if she told ANYONE
gyzym: they’d blame her for it too
gyzym: because that’s what the world does, she comes to realize, because she watches it happen again and again and again
nat: yeah, because she tempted him, she showed him what she was, she was willing to put her trust in him
nat: so it’s her fault that he took advantage, that he used her, she should have been better
gyzym: and the thing is around the four or five hundredth time
gyzym: some asshole tells dee it’s her fault his hand’s on her ass
gyzym: because she’s so pretty
gyzym: or she pulls a creep
gyzym: off a human friend
gyzym: or she watches a coworker she barely knows
gyzym: flipping through the newspaper and shaking his head
gyzym: or, hell, shaking her head
gyzym: and commenting about the short skirts kids are wearing these days
gyzym: and what they’re asking for
gyzym: around that point i think dee and derek split in half. because derek, right, he holds onto anger to control himself, he hoards his anger, he carries his anger deep in his chest like it’s all he’s got left
gyzym: and it is, in its way
gyzym: but dee….hell, i think dee would start spreading it around
nat: all the times she hears ‘smile dee, why don’t you smile more,’ or ‘you should grow out your hair, dee’ or ‘trust me baby,’ she just lets it out on people
nat: ?
gyzym: ohhhh yeah
gyzym: but it’s not just that
nat: no, not even close
gyzym: it’s not just that she snaps back, yells back, won’t take it
gyzym: it’s the way she walks, it’s the way she talks, it’s the way she’ll throw a guy against the wall for looking at her wrong, it’s “don’t touch me” in every inch of everything about her, it’s “don’t fuck with me” in every word she says and every mess she makes, it’s “fuck this and fuck you” like it’s tattooed on her forehead
gyzym: and then lawrence dies
gyzym: and so i think when dee gets to beacon hills she’s less a dark, stalking shadow
gyzym: then a hell-bent avenging angel, you know?
nat: how dare you take from me the last person who knows me as I was, who knows the best of me along with the worst, the only person I had left
gyzym: Y E S
gyzym: i think dee hale smells like blood and barfights and her brother’s last goodbye
nat: I think she smells like motor oil and old leather and split knuckles
gyzym: i think she had one good thing left in the world and now it’s gone
gyzym: and i think she can smell petra in the woods weeks before derek could work out that it was peter
gyzym: because dee is harder than derek
gyzym: they’re equally broken
gyzym: but dee had to run up against it
gyzym: every
gyzym: goddamn
gyzym: day
nat: dee has learned to watch her back in dark alleys
nat: dee has learned that everyone is out to get you if you’ll let them
nat: so you have to be faster
gyzym: yes! you have to be faster and stronger and sharper
gyzym: and then she meets stiles.
gyzym: stiles, who would be so similar and SO DIFFERENT to the stiles on the show
gyzym: same short hair, same sharp, vicious wit
nat: but the dee stiles meets doesn;t have the luxury of trust, it’s not just that she’s
nat: reluctant to let it happen
gyzym: yeah, and the stiles dee meets
gyzym: is so much ANGRIER
gyzym: than the stiles on the show
gyzym: because stiles on the show has a LOT of anger
gyzym: that we don’t see very much because he jokes away from it
gyzym: and the stiles dee meets, she’d joke too
gyzym: but her BEST FUCKING FRIEND
gyzym: got ATTACKED IN THE WOODS
gyzym: and BITTEN
gyzym: and TURNED INTO A WEREWOLF
gyzym: because stiles wanted her to come out on a dead body hunt
nat: and stiles is still skinny and tough and not quite one thing or another, always a square peg
gyzym: yes!
gyzym: and stiles dragged sam out for the night and sam was ATTACKED; she’s not fucking around
nat: she had ONE FRIEND
gyzym: yeah and
gyzym: STILES IS A COP’S KID
gyzym: and her father died when she was so young
gyzym: and her mother’s been the sheriff since she was eleven
gyzym: and she was taught to fire a gun that year
gyzym: has been carrying pepper spray since she was old enough to be taught to use it safely
nat: a cop’s kid who’s seen her mom come back from domestic violence calls and murders and drug calls and heard her mom get talked about behind her back
gyzym: yes yes yes yes
gyzym: and who has been
gyzym: TAUGHT
gyzym: TO DEFEND HERSELF
gyzym: IN ANY NUMBER OF WAYS
nat: who’s been taught what police codes mean so she’ll KNOW, so she’ll go into any situation INFORMED
gyzym: YES
gyzym: because sheriff stilinski would not fuck around
gyzym: about the possibility of her only daughter
gyzym: getting hurt or killed or raped
gyzym: let alone the possibility that it could happen to GET TO HER, AS THE SHERIFF
gyzym: so when dee hale
gyzym: meets stiles stilinski
gyzym: what she really meets is the barrel of stiles’ mothers’ favorite shotgun
gyzym: and the words “you have ten seconds to explain what the FUCK is happening to samantha”
nat: dee is angry and violent and forever on the knife-edge of her guard and stiles is sharp and quick and not afraid of her
nat: or at least pushing through the fear
nat: because she has one friend, and that friend is in danger
nat: and this stranger has information she needs
gyzym: YES
gyzym: and together—dee’s anger and violence and stiles’ furious need to protect what she’s got left
gyzym: THEY
gyzym: TEAR
gyzym: THE
gyzym: GODDAMN
gyzym: TOWN
gyzym: APART