1. Never act incautiously when confronted by a little bald wrinkly smiling man. (That’s always rule one.)
2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, then make 11 new ones.
Tag 11 people and link them to your post.IGNORE RULE THREE
Let them know you’ve tagged them.Inform the readers of the post you have made that they may feel free to consider themselves tagged, or not tagged, as they will. You are as tagged as you wish to be, readers. Only you can determine your own taggedness.
I was tagged by leupagus, who is great and terrible, not necessarily in that order.
1. You have the greenlight from a movie studio to make a movie out of one story (that’s never had an adaptation before). What do you pick?
If we’re talking “story” in the sense of “book/books,” I think it’s a toss up between Tamora Pierce’s Tortall books and Daniel Handler’s The Basic Eight (with The Basic Eight probably winning, because honestly that’s a tale that begs to be told on screen). If it’s a question of a story from actual human history, though spoiled for choice, I honestly think I’d want to do a Lizzie Borden movie. The place in my heart that finds nothing more interesting than twisted murder narratives, let me show it to you. Oooh, or a Zora Neale Hurston movie, because she lived the Harlem Renaissance while she was writing Their Eyes Were Watching God, so you could theoretically structure a film about her life around a sort of split narrative? Like, on the one side you could have (accurately depicted) 20s/30s Harlem, with queer people and speakeasies and like, full period-piece immersion, and then on the other hand you could have this more traditional writer-narrative structured around this amazing book she’s putting together and publishing that she wouldn’t live to see get the reception it deserved??? Not to mention that there was backlash against that book WITHIN HER OWN MOVEMENT because of the politics within it and just like, look, GO READ ABOUT ZORA NEALE HURSTON’S LIFE OKAY, even the Wikipedia article is so interesting, a biopic about her has the potential to be gorgeously shot and FASCINATING and really play on the visually-told-story-about-a-word-oriented-person thing, which is something I always love. GUS WHY WOULD YOU ASK ME THIS QUESTION
2. Favorite pair of shoes, and why.
Uhhhhhhh. I have this pair of white Ugg boots (I know, hear me out) that my mother gave to me like five years ago because she didn’t want them? Which I wore a lot because I was a college student and they were free? And now they are less white than sort of…grayish….and there is a coffee stain on one of them and the fleece on the inside is all matted down and gross, but they can be pulled over any pair of jeans and require literally no work at all to put on, you just step in ‘em and go, so probably those. As may have become apparent, the Tina Fey quote, “If left to my own devices, I dress like I’ve come to service your aquarium,” is an accurate summation of my fashion choices.
3. You have to forgo chocolate, cheese, alcohol, recreational drugs, bread, or dairy for the rest of your life. Which do your choose and why?
I CHOOSE DAIRY BECAUSE I AM ALREADY ALLERGIC TO IT AND THUS HAVE ALREADY HAD TO FORGO IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. Unless already being allergic to dairy meant I had to choose something else, in which case I would choose “cheese” and hope that the person giving me these options, like many people in many restaurants I have known, would fail to realize cheese was dairy and let it slide.
4. What celebrity plays you in your biopic?
I can’t answer this question, because if I ever become someone about whom a biopic is likely to be made I’m going to be that person who is like NO JE REFUSE YOU MUST WAIT UNTIL I DIE, and I don’t know what actors will be around when I die. Who wants to have the chance to go see their own biopic in theaters? Not I, my friends. Not I.
Alternately, Leonardo DiCaprio, in his 43473892942th bid for an Oscar. That I’d go see in a heartbeat.
5. Your significant other fucks up. How would you like them to make it up to you (in addition to a direct apology, obv. - flowers, a carriage ride in Central Park, what?)
I want them to take me to a specialty grocery store and pay for my ridiculous purchases of Fancy Salami and Interesting Flavored coffees and A Metric Fuckton of Smoked Salmon. Unless one of the tires on my car is fucked up. Then I want them to deal with the tire; I hate doing that.
6. How do you see yourself having children in the future (if you don’t have them now) - do you think you’ll have kids yourself, adopt, accidentally get custody when your friend dies and then move to upstate New York and start a baby food company (and if you don’t know what movie I’m talking about then go watch Baby Boom RIGHT NOW).
At this time the only method by which I can see myself having children is “writing down their entire life stories on a computer screen, writing down things that they say to each other also on the computer screen, and then using words and the computer screen to bring them to the exciting conclusions of their stories.” But if I ever decide to produce and care for a small human of my very own, then my answer to this question is “on a lot of drugs and via c-section.”
7. Tumblr dies tonight. There is no recovery, there is no hope. What do you do with the free time you suddenly have in your life?
Frantically put together a web development team to create a site to fill the void tumblr left behind, with a better business model this time. Duh.
8. Favorite type/brand of cookie.
Chewy still-warm not-quite-cooked-all-the-way-through chocolate chip. Or raspberry milanos, it’s a toss up.
9. What is one skill that you wish you had (ie blacksmithing or whisling or being able to recite the Gettysburg address)?
I can’t decide between “the ability to make music with any instrument at all including my own mouth” and “mastery of functional adult behaviors.” Which, honestly, says a lot about both problems.
10. If you could have a coffee date once a week with anyone living, who would it be?
Robert Downey Jr. There is nothing about having weekly coffee with Robert Downey Jr. that I don’t want to experience, up to and including the fact that he probably mocks the decor of every coffee place he enters. I actually tried for about five minutes to come up with an answer to this question that wasn’t Robert Downey Jr., because there are lots of great humans out there who I would love to talk to or have dinner with or visit in their work environments or chill with poolside or be bros with, but if it’s coffee once a week, every week? RDJ, hands down. It’s not even really a question. I’m not even particularly sorry.
11. Star Trek or Star Wars?
Trek. Forever regretful that I took so long to find out.
YOUR QUESTIONS, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT THEM:
1. It’s the end of the world as you know it. It’s the end of the world as you know it. It’s the end of the world as you know it. How do you feel?
2. If you could pick any place in the world to live forever, down the the exact specifications (apartment or house, decoration, location, etc etc etc), what would that place be? Bonus points if it’s a treehouse. Minus points if it’s on the lost continent of Atlantis.
3. You have to create a new identity that you will be tied to for the rest of your life. What’s your name?
4. Please explain in as much detail as you feel necessary your plan for locating Waldo.
5. Ideal meal?
6. A man shows up in a large blue box in the middle of your kitchen while you are doing the dishes. While you gape at him open mouthed, he asks you if you’d like to travel time and space with him. Do you: a) forget to turn the water off as you run into the blue box, flooding the whole house in your absence and leaving your neighbors to worry that you’ve been kidnapped by people copycatting the idiot thieves in the Home Alone movies or b) do literally anything else, which you will describe below?
7. You can listen to the complete discography of only one band/artist (like, for example, if you choose Clapton you’d get Cream and Derek and the Dominos too) for the rest of your life. Who do you pick?
8. If you picked anyone but the Grateful Dead, defend yourself below. If you picked the Grateful Dead, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE CORRECT
9. A magician approaches you on the street! He says that for reasons that require no exposition in a hypothetical question that he will give you any mystical creature you desire as a pet. What do you choose and why?
10. You’re forming a zombie apocalypse survival party with four other people; the people can real or fictional, alive or dead (although not undead. “Abraham Lincoln,” is a viable choice; “A guy who has already been turned into a zombie,” is not). Who do you choose?
11. If there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? (Hint: There is only one right answer. Double hint: it’s not the Grateful Dead.)