not language but a map

writer, reader, eater of bagels. cracking inappropriate jokes to cut tension since 1989.
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being orlando bloomkevitch:

gyzym: omg why are the casts of peter jackson’s movies ALWAYS PERFECT, DO YOU THINK HE PICKS THEM ON PERSONALITY ALONE
gyzym: like is his casting call ACTOR NEEDED MUST BE AWESOME PERSON
nat: I think he might tbh because CHEMISTRY
nat: IT’S ALWAYS SO GOOD
gyzym: UGH IT REALLY IS
nat: even if one of the cast CAN’T ACT
nat: cough bloom cough
gyzym: *coughorla—
gyzym: i was literally TYPING THAT
gyzym: his inability to act works for him though, because it just makes legolas look like an adorably flat dum-dum
nat: loolllll
nat: poor legolas
nat: he gets all the most hilarious lines
nat: and he has no idea
nat: his elf eyes see only deadly serious business
gyzym: IT’S REALLY NOT HIS FAULT, god can you imagine legolas played by like
gyzym: a talented actor though.
gyzym: BECAUSE I HONESTLY CAN’T
nat: NO NEITHER CAN I
gyzym: WHAT WOULD “THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD” SOUND LIKE WITH CONSIDERED AND CAREFUL INFLECTION
nat: DEATHLY AND PORTENTOUS I’D IMAGINR
nat: not at all the cheerful ditty we have come to know and love
gyzym: omg now i’m just thinking about. if bloom had been cast as aragorn
gyzym: and viggo was legolas
gyzym: CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW DIFFERENT THESE FILMS WOULD BE
nat: I’M NOT SURE I WANT TO
gyzym: let alone if bloom had actually gotten boromir, which is what he originally auditioned for
gyzym: LET THAT SINK IN
gyzym: ORLANDO BLOOM WENT IN AND AUDITIONED
gyzym: FOR BOROMIR
gyzym: THINK ABOUT WHAT THAT DEATH SCENE WOULD HAVE LOOKED LIKE
gyzym: ORLANDO BLOOM’S FACE CONTORTING WILDLY
gyzym: AS HE ATTEMPTED TO MAKE IT DISPLAY AN EMOTION
nat: OMG THIS IS LIKE MIRRORVERSE LOTR
nat: THIS IS THE DARKEST TIMELINE
gyzym: OH MY GOD SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW
gyzym: ABED IS CLUTCHING AT HIS HEAD
gyzym: AND FEELING WRONG ALL OVER
gyzym: AND DOESN’T KNOW WHY
gyzym: WE’RE SORRY ABED
nat: SO SO SORRY
gyzym: omg now i am just
gyzym: imagining orlando bloom
gyzym: as everyone
gyzym: and it’s really really awful
gyzym: orlando bloom gimli is the worst one
gyzym: ALTHOUGH TO BE FAIR THE BEARD WOULD PROBABLY CONCEAL A LOT OF HOW HIS FACE WASN’T MOVING AT ALL
gyzym: wouldn’t help with the flat delivery, though
nat: nooooo
gyzym: "dwarves are natural sprinters."
nat: I am imagining a being john malkovich situation
nat: wherin EVERYONE IS BLOOM
gyzym: FHDSJKFHSD;FHSDJFKDSFSD
nat: and all they can say is TEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISEGARD
gyzym: GOD
gyzym: IT’S ALL NINE OF THE FELLOWSHIP
gyzym: ADVANCING IN A STRAIGHT LINE
gyzym: HEIGHT-ADJUSTED IN POST
nat: YES
gyzym: SAYING “THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD” OVER AND OVER
gyzym: JUST WALKING THE FUCK THROUGH THE ORC ARMIES
nat: YES THAT IS WHAT IS IN MY BRAIN
gyzym: hfdsjkfhjds the eye of sauron
gyzym: played by orlando bloom
gyzym: IT JUST SITS THERE
gyzym: HALF-LIDDED
gyzym: AND LOOKING UNIMPRESSED
nat: BORED
nat: AND APATHETIC
nat: ONE RING… TO RULE THEM ALL, I SUPPOSE
gyzym: bloom-gandalf
nat: you shouldn’t pass
nat: but I shall stand here indifferent to you, at any rate
gyzym: i guess maybe you should fly. you fools.
gyzym: BLOOM-BALROG
gyzym: IT JUST KIND OF SITS THERE
gyzym: AND IS LIKE
gyzym: "WHATEVER"
nat: MURDER I GUESS
nat: MAYBE CHEETOS
gyzym: JFHDJSKFSD
nat: HAVE YOU GOT THAT WEED I HEAR SO MUCH ABOUT
nat: OH WELL, I SUPPOSE ANOTHER ETERNITY AFLAME WILL AHVE TO DO
gyzym: god, ORLANDO BLOOM AS EOWYN
gyzym: oh, you can be defeated by no man?
gyzym: well, i guess i’ll go and sit over there
nat: this sword is quite heavy
nat: and this helmet keeps flattening my hair
gyzym: call me when krafty opens
gyzym: ……………..the one ring
gyzym: as played
gyzym: by orlando bloom
gyzym: ORLANDO BLOOM GOLLUM
gyzym: "my precious. my precious."
nat: hfdajgfhdjagfhjd
gyzym: "i don’t enjoy bagginses."
nat: riddles bore me
nat: tell me a story
nat: /falls alseep
nat: omg Bloom as Bill The Pony
nat: grass is bad for my complexion
gyzym: dhsfjhdsfjs BLOOM AS SAMWISE GAMGEE
gyzym: mr. frodo, you’ll ruin my hair.
nat: mister frodo you could stand to diet
gyzym: fdsufg’GIDKJIV’OSFUHGEAFIJLS;’D
nat: potatoes are fattening
gyzym: of course
gyzym: the best of all of these
gyzym: would probably be
gyzym: orlando bloom as merry and pippin
gyzym: THEY’RE TAKING US TO ISENGARD
nat: BAHAHAHAHA