not language but a map

writer, reader, eater of bagels. cracking inappropriate jokes to cut tension since 1989.
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#because his name is guy FERRY

this is a true story


so you know guy fieri right

this dude on food network


my aunt lived in the same apartment complex with him, same hallway even, when they were younger.

he was like three or something and she was maybe ten?

but anyway

he pooped in the middle of the hallway

literally pulled his pants down and just took a shit right there

and my aunt saw it and ran to tell his mom or her mom or something

but guy saw her running to tell, and so went into my aunt’s apartment since she left the door open and got her dog to come out in the hallway

and by the time my aunt had a parent up there, her dog was sitting in the hallway next to the shit, and guy blamed it on the dog

and they believed him

so to this day

whenever i see a picture of him

i say out loud “i don’t watch his show, he shits on floors and blames it on puppies”