not language but a map

writer, reader, eater of bagels. cracking inappropriate jokes to cut tension since 1989.
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inexplicableteacups asked: I'd like to (respectfully!) ask you about why you like mycroft/watson. I just felt massively sorry for sherlock, and a little frustrated with joan. granted, she totally has the right to do whatever she wants with her body, and sherlock doesn't have any claim over her, but because they are as sherlock pointed out so close, didn't she think it would affect him esp his brother who he hates? I'm surprised joan would get involved in that way with such a tense situation. I'd love to hear your thoughts


  • Holy shitting fuckballs, a popular show that’s on CBS primetime Thursday nights just aired the healthiest depiction of casual sex I think I’ve ever seen on television. THAT’S AWESOME. Seriously: that’s awesome. They’re two consenting adults who had a one-night fling and never discussed doing anything further, and that’s not only something the narrative clearly presents as acceptable, but they actually SPELL OUT THAT FACT AND WHY IT’S ACCEPTABLE! ON SCREEN! While Sherlock noticing her tension is what precipitates her mentioning it, JOAN MAKES THE CHOICE TO TELL HIM WHAT HAPPENED! HERSELF! And though the suggestion is made that she did it for reasons of ~getting to Sherlock~ or whatever, that suggestion is made by Sherlock, in what is clearly presented by the narrative (and received by Watson) as a moment of incorrect, and pretty self-centered, sullenness. 
  • To put that another way: a popular CBS primetime show just aired a storyline about a female character having one-off casual sex with a male character and did not a) vilify her, b) strip her of any of her agency, or c) insist that she did it for reasons of concealed deep love. I LITERALLY COULDN’T ASK FOR MORE.

beeeeeee yourself


SHRIEK I FORGOT ABOUT SHERLOCK’S NEW BEE. Oh man, okay, it is story time. 

So, first of all: the bees on the roof? Are how Joanne and Clyde even met in the first place. See, after his first the few days at the brownstone, Clyde’s given free run of the place by Sherlock, who turns out to be pretty alright, as humans go. Sure, he discussed making Clyde into soup, but he was probably joking. Almost definitely joking. And yes, okay, fine, he did leave Clyde upside down for awhile that once, but honestly that wasn’t so bad — Joan ended up rubbing Clyde’s belly, and Joan was definitely tops, humanity-wise. But Sherlock… well, Clyde sometimes gets the impression that Sherlock knows what is upin a way human beings normally don’t. Among other things, Sherlock has this habit of picking Clyde up, holding their faces very close together, and then nodding thoughtfully before putting Clyde down and telling him, “Do not get stuck under anything, it does not become you,” and walking away. Also, he’s pretty loose with the lettuce, which Clyde considers a redeeming feature.

Anyway. Point being: the first thing Clyde does after being released from The Drawer of Uncertain Futures is relieve himself under the desk as punishment for having been left in a drawer, but the second thing he does is go exploring. Tortoises, as a rule, believe in doing things from top to bottom — downhill is considerably easier than uphill, especially when wearing a shell — so he makes his slow, steady way to the roof. The roof! Of a New York building! Where a falcon could just swoop down and grab him at any time! Truly, Clyde is becoming more adventurous by the day, and his enterprising spirit is soon rewarded by the sight of a towering, buzzing structure, surrounded by bees.

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josephjoestarisagdilf asked: Ken Watanabe Moriarty oh my lord please have my children, I never knew how much I wanted this until RIGHT THE FUCK NOW.

has there ever been something you thought about, and abruptly decided you wanted more than anything, and then you just kind of went 


at it in the hopes that if you just WANT IT ENOUGH the universe will be like “yes well alright we can see that you want this very much so here you go, pat pat pat, please calm down you are unsettling everyone” 


that is how i feel about ken watanabe as moriarty

random elementary headcanons:

  • Clyde the tortoise, forever changed after his beloved owner was brutally murdered, has made friends with a quick-witted, no-nonsense ladybug named Joanne since moving into the brownstone. They solve mysteries for the other animals that live nearby, root for the Yankees, despair of the humans they’ve come to think of as theirs, and are currently keeping a careful eye on a pair of devious-looking Jack Russell terriers that just moved in next door. (Yes, it’s possible that The Great Mouse Detective led me to conclude that all iterations of Holmes and Watson have animal counterparts. Judge not, dear readers. Judge not.) 
  • Sherlock totally knows Joan’s not actually contracted to be his sober companion anymore, because come on, guys, of course he does. There is no way Sherlock “Have You Met My Daddy Issues? Well, HE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT ME AT ALL” Holmes didn’t throw boundaries to the wind like he always does and hack Joan’s email when she told him Papa Holmes was keeping her on. He hasn’t called her on the lie because he wants still her to stay, same way he did before, but he’s also very interested to see how long she takes to tell him. This is why he introduced her as, “This is Joan Watson; she keeps me from doing heroin.” He’s trying to call her on it without actually calling her on it, pushing on the edge to see how long before it gives. Or, in other words, he’s testing her. Because, y’know, it’s Sherlock, and that’s what he does.
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behold, a cautionary tale:

so, once upon a few years ago, when i was naught but a wee bb sherlock holmes enthusiast, there was this place called the shkinkmeme, and i wiled away many an hour there! this, dear reader, was before the Rise of Mofftiss, so we were forced to content ourselves with fic and discussion based on the 2009 rdj/jude movie, the granada series, that film where gareth david-lloyd wears ill-fitting trousers and fights some sort of dinosaur, the literally hundreds of other available adaptations (watch the russian holmes series, it’s ace), the actual ACD canon, and the occasional discussion of duck penises (don’t google it, trust me). it was a golden age! not a particularly…pure…age, but a golden one nonetheless! fic was written! art was drawn! gif parties were had! all was wonderful! 

BUT THEN, dear reader, things took a turn for the wank, for news was released that there was a new holmes adaptation on the horizon. and this new holmes adaptation, they said, was to be a modern version, set in present-day london. oh, how the shit did hit the fan! oh, how our sense of security was torn asunder! “a modern setting will never work!” people said. “this is an affront to the canon!” people said. “i’m appalled they’re even making this!” people said. “house is not the same thing!” people said. on and on the wank raged, until that modern adaptation was released; shortly after that, said modern adaptation had a massive fandom all its own, drawing countless people into the fantastic world of holmes and its staggering assortment of variations. 

do i really even need to say that that modern adaptation was sherlock? sherlock, which is much beloved and possessed of many baftas, sherlock, which has spawned so much brilliant fic, sherlock, which is currently the favored holmes adaptation ‘round these parts? do i really even need to make that point? 

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