not language but a map

writer, reader, eater of bagels. cracking inappropriate jokes to cut tension since 1989.
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#i don't think he knows about second breakfast

thoughts on desolation of smaug, having now seen it approximately a million years later than i meant to

1. LEGOLAS

2. other stuff happened probably but LEGOLAS

3. L E G O L A S

4. previous three thoughts brought to you by the thirteen year old version of me that still lives inside my soul (LEGOLAS)

5. modern AU where nobody dies and kili and tauriel have a million babies and thorin like, i don’t know, learns to fucking meditate or something; modern AU where the arkenstone is what thorin calls bilbo’s dick (because dude needs to CALM IT DOWN ABOUT THAT THING); modern AU where bofur’s john belushi in animal house

6. completely impossible for me to take a dragon talking in bandicoot crumblypatch’s voice even remotely seriously, i kept being like “lol harmonious bandersnatch” and giggling during what were meant to be suspenseful moments

7. SO MANY LEGOLAS/GIMLI THOUGHTS I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN

8. someone please tell me there’s already a gif of that scene where legolas wipes at his nosebleed that says “NOBODY MAKES ME BLEED MY OWN BLOOD.” it was all i could think in the theater. it’s What The World Needs .

nautilusl2:

Gimli looks like an old man! D: I don’t know how to stop it, he’s supposed to be nerdy/hipster *laments
For a kink meme fill
I just want Gimli and Legolas to get fangasms over World of Warcraft, conventions, physics, Game of Thrones, whatever. I don’t care. Just make them all cute and nerdy. With 50’s style glasses, knitted cardigans, discussions about fandoms.
There already is some adorable fanart for the prompt, but I read the minifill thats also attatched to the prompt and fell in love. I wanted to get in on the action too.

"Look. Legolas. I understand what you’re saying—" 
"Oh, I doubt it." 
"See, there you go again! Is it so hard for you to drop the brat act for seven seconds? Are you honestly too spoiled and, and blond to let up with the constant impression of—” 
"Gimli, I swear to god, if you compare me Draco Malfoy again I will show your father your tumblr." 
"Please. Like he’d even believe you if you did. He’d — hah — you know what, I never thought I’d actually get the chance to whip out ‘He’d cut off your little nuts and eat them. He can’t stand you,’ in casual conversation.”  
"Two things: one, that movie wasn’t nearly as funny as you led me to believe, and two, I’d really avoid mentioning anything related to trolls if I were you, Gimli."
"Gah! You’re so — it’s so — LOOK, man, my point is, I understand where you’re coming from, and I appreciate the assorted heroics of Steve Rogers too, but Bucky Barnes killed Hitler! Bucky Barnes, Legolas. It’s just fact. Fuck, you’re such an asshole.” 
"You wound me with your cutting words. Really. My soul bleeds. How will I ever go on. " 
"You know, I really don’t know why I hang out with you."

nautilusl2:

Gimli looks like an old man! D: I don’t know how to stop it, he’s supposed to be nerdy/hipster *laments

For a kink meme fill

I just want Gimli and Legolas to get fangasms over World of Warcraft, conventions, physics, Game of Thrones, whatever. I don’t care. Just make them all cute and nerdy. With 50’s style glasses, knitted cardigans, discussions about fandoms.


There already is some adorable fanart for the prompt, but I read the minifill thats also attatched to the prompt and fell in love. I wanted to get in on the action too.

"Look. Legolas. I understand what you’re saying—" 

"Oh, I doubt it." 

"See, there you go again! Is it so hard for you to drop the brat act for seven seconds? Are you honestly too spoiled and, and blond to let up with the constant impression of—” 

"Gimli, I swear to god, if you compare me Draco Malfoy again I will show your father your tumblr." 

"Please. Like he’d even believe you if you did. He’d — hah — you know what, I never thought I’d actually get the chance to whip out ‘He’d cut off your little nuts and eat them. He can’t stand you,’ in casual conversation.”  

"Two things: one, that movie wasn’t nearly as funny as you led me to believe, and two, I’d really avoid mentioning anything related to trolls if I were you, Gimli."

"Gah! You’re so — it’s so — LOOK, man, my point is, I understand where you’re coming from, and I appreciate the assorted heroics of Steve Rogers too, but Bucky Barnes killed Hitler! Bucky Barnes, Legolas. It’s just fact. Fuck, you’re such an asshole.” 

"You wound me with your cutting words. Really. My soul bleeds. How will I ever go on. " 

"You know, I really don’t know why I hang out with you."

leupagus:


jgaskisanerd:


and-raspberry-jam-and-apple-tart:


killerweasel:



Bifur information from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Visual Companion



BOFUR AND BOMBUR ARE ALSO TOYMAKERS. OH MY HEART.


You don’t need the Visual Companion, I said.
You already have so many Hobbit-film books, I said.
The Visual Companion can’t possibly contain information you don’t know, I said.
Why are you always so wrong about everything, I said.


MONSTROUS TOYS
I WANT ONE


a) I think Bifur might officially be my fave whoops (this whole thing, the fist pump of joy for other people’s hugs, plus he had me at trying to cook the lettuce I’m not gonna lie) and 
b) ….DOES THIS MEAN THAT THERE IS THE CHANCE THAT WHEN FILI AND KILI WERE WEE BB DWARVES THEY PLAYED WITH HORRIBLE MONSTER TOYS. DOES THIS MEAN THAT BABY GIMLI, AS THIS QUEST IS HAPPENING, IS IN POSSESSION OF HORRIBLE MONSTER TOYS HE IS TOO OLD FOR BUT SECRETLY HIDES IN HIS RUCKSACK BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT GLOIN OR HIS MOM TO TELL HIM TO GIVE THEM TO A YOUNGER DWARF WHO MIGHT WANT TO PLAY WITH THEM.
HELP ME. HELP.

leupagus:

jgaskisanerd:

and-raspberry-jam-and-apple-tart:

killerweasel:

Bifur information from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey Visual Companion

BOFUR AND BOMBUR ARE ALSO TOYMAKERS. OH MY HEART.
image

You don’t need the Visual Companion, I said.

You already have so many Hobbit-film books, I said.

The Visual Companion can’t possibly contain information you don’t know, I said.

Why are you always so wrong about everything, I said.

MONSTROUS TOYS

I WANT ONE

a) I think Bifur might officially be my fave whoops (this whole thing, the fist pump of joy for other people’s hugs, plus he had me at trying to cook the lettuce I’m not gonna lie) and 

b) ….DOES THIS MEAN THAT THERE IS THE CHANCE THAT WHEN FILI AND KILI WERE WEE BB DWARVES THEY PLAYED WITH HORRIBLE MONSTER TOYS. DOES THIS MEAN THAT BABY GIMLI, AS THIS QUEST IS HAPPENING, IS IN POSSESSION OF HORRIBLE MONSTER TOYS HE IS TOO OLD FOR BUT SECRETLY HIDES IN HIS RUCKSACK BECAUSE HE DOES NOT WANT GLOIN OR HIS MOM TO TELL HIM TO GIVE THEM TO A YOUNGER DWARF WHO MIGHT WANT TO PLAY WITH THEM.

HELP ME. HELP.