not language but a map

writer, reader, eater of bagels. cracking inappropriate jokes to cut tension since 1989.
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#pocket fruits

[insert husbandry joke of your choice]

nat: hi hi how are you ?
gyzym: i am fine how are youuuu
nat: I am listening to foxes mating
nat: it is hilarious
gyzym: you’re what now
nat: we have a lot of foxes here, I live in the woods
gyzym: that is the single derek hale-est thing you’ve ever said to me
gyzym: and there is SO MUCH COMPETITION
gyzym: "what are you doing, derek?" // "i’m listening to foxes mating."
nat: omg I’m derek hale
gyzym: i mean we knew that already but like
gyzym: JESUS GOD
gyzym: you really are
gyzym: you know he does that too
gyzym: wanders through the woods
gyzym: listening to the sounds of animals mating
gyzym: and thinking to himself
gyzym: "fools"

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shut up and grill:

nat: oh man, of course the sheriff reverts to bachelorhood as soon as stiles leaves the nest

gyzym: LITERALLY THE MINUTE HE LEFT

nat: YESSS ALL THE HUNGRY MAN MICROWAVE MEALS I CAN EAT

gyzym: I CAN LEAVE BEER CANS EVERYWHERE!!!!!!

gyzym: EVERYWHERE DO YOU HEAR ME!!!!

nat: I CAN LEAVE FISHING TACKLE OUT AND STILES WILL NOT STAB HIMSELF ON THE HOOKS

nat: TRULY THIS IS A PARADISE

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will the real king of gondor please stand up

nat: also ahaha that ‘fellowship happens anyway’ fic?
nat: I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED
gyzym: OH GOOD BECAUSE I THINK I MIGHT HAVE TO DO THAT
gyzym: JUST BECAUSE: RELUCTANT KING ARAGORN
gyzym: BEING LIKE, EVERYONE IS THE KING OF GONDOR!
gyzym: HER OVER THERE
gyzym: KING OF GONDOR!
nat: THAT DWARF
gyzym: BOROMIR I THINK YOU ARE THE KING OF GONDOR
gyzym: FRODO I KNOW YOU LIKE THE SHIRE BUT HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED BEING KING OF GONDOR
nat: THAT STUMP
nat: THESE HOBBITS
nat: COLLECTIVELY
gyzym: ON EACH OTHER’S SHOULDERS THEY MAKE A WHOLE KING!
nat: HERE LOOK THEY’RE WEARING A COAT

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being orlando bloomkevitch:

gyzym: omg why are the casts of peter jackson’s movies ALWAYS PERFECT, DO YOU THINK HE PICKS THEM ON PERSONALITY ALONE
gyzym: like is his casting call ACTOR NEEDED MUST BE AWESOME PERSON
nat: I think he might tbh because CHEMISTRY
nat: IT’S ALWAYS SO GOOD
gyzym: UGH IT REALLY IS
nat: even if one of the cast CAN’T ACT
nat: cough bloom cough
gyzym: *coughorla—
gyzym: i was literally TYPING THAT
gyzym: his inability to act works for him though, because it just makes legolas look like an adorably flat dum-dum
nat: loolllll
nat: poor legolas
nat: he gets all the most hilarious lines
nat: and he has no idea
nat: his elf eyes see only deadly serious business
gyzym: IT’S REALLY NOT HIS FAULT, god can you imagine legolas played by like
gyzym: a talented actor though.
gyzym: BECAUSE I HONESTLY CAN’T

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we’ve learned so much today:

gyzym: “The appendices to The Return of the King note that Thranduil withstood attacks by Sauron during northern battles of the War of the Ring, meeting with Celeborn and his people to together destroy Dol Guldur and cleanse Mirkwood of Sauron’s taint of evil.”
gyzym: sauron’s
gyzym: taint
gyzym: of evil 
gyzym: i’ll just
gyzym: be here
gyzym: laughing hysterically and feeling like a bad person 
nat: AHAHAHAHAHA
nat: PICTURING IT
nat: LAUGHING
gyzym: ALL RUN FROM THE EVIL TAINT
nat: OMG SAURON’S SWEATY GOOCH OF DOOM
gyzym: omg it’s not the eye of sauron we’re looking at through those movies
nat: IT’S HIS TAINT
gyzym: the taint of evil does not want the d. REPEAT, THE TAINT OF EVIL DOES NOT WANT THE D

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toke, friend, and enter:

gyzym: i rewatched fellowship today while convalescing

gyzym: and I THINK NOBODY’S LIFE IS HARDER THAN GANDALF’S

nat: AHAHA, OH MAN

nat: POOR FUCKING GANDALF

nat: AND ALL THOSE RANDOM BASTARDS

nat: he ended up with: two angry humans, a dwarf and an elf who won’t stop fighting and FOUR FUCKING HOBBITS

nat: TWO OF WHICH ARE ALWAYS BAKED

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